I've got a little list and they never will be missed.

I’VE GOT A LITTLE LIST!

I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!

 aka “As someday it may happen” “The Mikado” by Gilbert and Sullivan.

  Like most people of my generation I’m not a huge fan of opera, though I do like the little operettas of Gilbert and Sullivan. I first encountered The Mikado in my junior high school music class where Mrs. Jacobson had us set through and listen to Groucho Marx in the Mikado. That one song stuck with me as it struck a chord in my soul.

   We have all felt this way at one point or another. That those annoying people who make day to day living sheer Hell should all just drop dead.

   When it was written over 150 years ago it listed people who played Banjo solos, and who shook hands with a 2 handed grasp of yours and a violent prolonged shaking, as possible fodder for the headsman’s axe. And every few years the list has been updated to include the newest forms of public nuisances.

  So here, in no particular order, is my unfinished list of those who “Never will be missed”.

1.     Those people who get to the checkout clerk and are compelled to pay with exact change. And then must dig through every available place to find 2 pennies.

2.     Those souls that hold impromptu reunions in the aisles of the supermarket and block all possible movement.

3.     Likewise those who meet old friends in the door of the place and must stop and discuss old Aunt Mable and her cat.

4.     Those lost souls that get in their cars and start the engine, put it in reverse so that the lights come on, and then feel a sudden need to dig through their possessions to find something while traffic backs up waiting for them to get the Hell out of the way.

5.     Drivers and you know who you are, who set at the light sending and checking messages until the light has nearly cycled full circle. You then gun the car through the yellow light and leave the rest to wait.

6.     People who cruise along at or below the speed limit in the inside lane of the road blocking anyone from passing anyone.   

7.     Those deaf and dumb idiots who have the base cranked up to where it makes your mirror vibrate and your vision blur as they set beside you.

8.     The imbeciles with the loud pipes that blast up and down the street in the wee hours of the morning just to see the lights come on. You know the ones that you hear coming for 10 minutes before they turn the corner with squalling tires and pipes blasting to roar off in the other direction where you can hear them fade away for another few minutes. 

9.     Idiots so focused on their phones they run you over with a shopping cart or just run into you themselves.

1.  And then there are the telemarketers who somehow clone local phone numbers so you can’t tell who’s calling you. I get at least one call a month from the local National Guard base selling some kind of credit service.

1.  Everyone who has ever been a guest on either one of those talk where the woman can’t remember who she slept with to get pregnant, and the guys all swear they couldn’t possibly be the father of a child that look just like them. (DNA don’t lie fool) What shining examples of Americans put up there for the world to admire.

 . Then there are all the owners of all those click bait website that get your attention with a hot picture and a suggestion that someone has died, then when you click for the story you get a new page with one picture of something else and one sentence about the subject. You have to click through a dozen or more pages to get a story that could have been told in a short paragraph.

1.  Lastly and I’m sorry, but people who just cannot control their children when they take them out to eat or anywhere else. When our kids acted like wild animals in public they went back in the car and we went home.

There is a long list of others out there as well but you get the idea.

Not a single day goes by when my opinion of the average human does not slip a little bit more. And keep in mind that on average that means that half of the rest of the people are even worse than that one.